It Failed To Survive
This blog will be closed permanently ... never again to be revived ...
This blog will be closed permanently ... never again to be revived ...
Blog Update : Worldvision - Helping To Make The World A Better Place
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Blog Update : Rejuvenation
Proceed to blog : http://TreeAntz.blogspot.com
Days pass like evening breeze that sweeps through the streets of KL, and if you happen to stand right in the middle of the road in Pudu Raya you’ll probably end with a foul stench etched to your nasal and an everlasting defiled taste lingering on your taste buds … that is if you are lucky enough.
Enough for the non-sense introduction, I finally decided to “reactivate” this blog whilst keeping the other as well for my pointless rants about life. It is undeniable, time waits for no one. Gosh it is already nearing the end of the year and it’s time to say goodbye to 2007. just in case for those who are still living in the bush, 3 more months to go before we sing Christmas carols again. *shakes head*
If only I could preserve time or freeze it, I want to forever dwell in the moment. So serene, so peaceful, so calm. Thank you people who celebrated my birthday with me, it was the best birthday bash. I guess I can never say how much I enjoyed the standing-on-chair-people-staring birthday song and the smashing food fight we had. I was pin downed, chocolate cake smeared on my face, bath in butter-water and assaulted by 4 very-aggressive-psychos-who-enjoys-abusing-innocent-guy-like-me girls. Can you imagine that? Haha … That was the happiest night I ever had, I was laughing my brains off. I wasn’t holding back. I let loose and it felt … GREAT, RECHARGED.
I was barred from going out the house without having chocolate cakes nicely buttered on my face and bath in a bucket-of-butter-filled-and-who-knows-what-else-Rachel-added-into-the-water . Tsk tsk tsk. And they conspired and kidnapped my shorts *gosh* I was so worried for my shorts if they decided to experiment with it and dissect it into pieces.
But it was a wonderful lot, so many years I isolated myself from the world, I lost hope and shifted my focus on my job. I made a promise to myself to neglect everything else and focus primarily to earn money and secure a good future in my life. I guess I was wrong, now that I realize that my friends and family are the most important people in my life.
Thanks again my dear sisters who helped me pick up the shattered pieces of my life. You guys made me recall back the good times I used to have with buddies during high school before we all became enemies and are no longer on talking terms. I hope this is the start of many more good things to come in this life. Let not the past hinder one from moving forward and let that be the fuel that propels you in life.
Love lots to Rachel, Christina, Sabrina, Dolly, Ying Shan.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
- Bernard
Blog no longer exist ....
http://tree-froggie.livejournal.com/
Another week just passed by… sigh … how time flies. Sometimes I just wish that I have 30 hours to my expense in a single day. Impossible? I know. I’m just so tired with what I have and not have in my life. Is this all to my life? Or is there more to it? I don’t have an answer and I don’t want to know the answer. This is just pathetic, very pathetic. Here I am laying down on my bed, staring at my run-down-old-pathetic-laptop, typing a totally non-sense-no-reason-to-do-so blog. What am I trying to prove? Nothing! I thought I found a meaning to be happy and celebrate upon but maybe I was wrong … all wrong. I am back to day I was before, miserable and depressed. Oh God if you happen to notice me, I pray Lord, I pray you will strip this disgusting feeling and banish to the pits of hell and let it burn in the fiery flames of hell-fire. That’s the last thing I want to add on into this stupid-retarded-life.
Last Friday on CG, Jacob asked a rather unexpected question. Well at least for me, not too sure about others. Anyway he asked us how do we show our tender loving care to other members in the CG (or something along those lines)? I was dumbfounded, I had never stopped to think about that. Very mind boggling indeed. So this is how I answered, for example how I would treat Christina, Rachael and Sabrina, I would fetch them to midnight movies even though I can no longer stand late night movies… I would eventually doze off.
It’s true because I cared for them, I really love them and care for them, more of a brotherly-sisterly love. Money can’t buy genuine love, a car is what I have and I shall use it to the fullest to benefit other people. They educated and helped me in a lot of ways, like Christina taught me how to eat like a “man”, Rachael how to be bossy and “kick” people around and Sabrina how to be downright negative; no wait that was super-duper-earth-shattering negativity. They are very good teachers. Haha … It’s just a joke, they are very good and decent girls, no where near how I describe them. No one reads this blog anyway so I’m excused.
Come to think of it, only them whom I am really close with in church, oh and Ah Yap, Melissa, Ashlee, Calisa and Paul.
If any of you reads this particular post/blog for some unknown-maybe-divine-or-by-chance reasons, I would really like to tell you guys / girls, how much I appreciate you all for being there for me. Many of you do not know of my past, and I would like to keep it that way. It was the darkest moment of my life. Thank you wholeheartedly.
This section was inspired by Jacob’s older post in his blog.
To …
Christina
- You are a very good person, I appreciate for all the moments of silence in my car … haha while waiting for Gary. It must have been odd for you. I was tired the other day. It is nice knowing you as my “macha”. Thanks for all the laughter.
Rachael
- Hmm, the second Ah Yap (Big Sister Yap), she likes to shout “Ta Lei Ah”, literally means Beat The Crap Out Of You. Gosh I miss your presence these few months, I can’t wait until July. Thanks for all the friendly threats. Lol
Sabrina
- Haha … I would say she is adorable and cute in her own ways. She can be very pushy when she insists on an answer. Lol .. but I guess that is what makes her stand out. Thank you Sabrina for being there and …
Ah Yap
- My dearest big sister, she is petite but do not judge by appearance, she is symbolic to a “cili padi”. She is small but she has authority … trespass her and you get a nice tongue lashing from her. I respect her in every and any ways. Thanks for being there for me, to listen to me. I appreciate your concern.
Melissa
- My housemate, hmmph. Melissa don’t know much about her (psst mysterious girl).The reason why I say don’t know much about her is because not that she is snobbish, in fact I would say she posseses a very nice and pleasant personalities. She has a very nice smell … no I mean smile. Dimples haha. Thanks for helping me find a room.
Ashlee
- My 2nd housemate. Gosh she is one lovely girl. She cooks, she’s caring, and very understanding. She would sit down with me and chat bout stuffs and insisted on looking at my photos. Thanks for all the heads up.
Calisa
- Ash’s sister. She inherits all the good values from her sister or was it the other way around? She doesn’t like durian, loves junk food. I’m still amazed how you can mix potato chips with rice and giving me the finger licking good sign. I must try that sometime haha … Best thing is she invites me for dinner everytime she and her sister prepares dinner. Thanks for all the food.
Paul
- when mention about Paul, think soft spoken, caring, ever smiling guy. It must have been a totally new experience for this dear brother as you are now transported in the working world. Brave it through, bro … you are ready. Thanks for the prayers.
Jacob
- Good brother, proficient in worship, prayers, and many more. He is our future pastor. Jacob is synonym to jack of all trades. Draw closer to him and you’ll discover more than what meets the eye. Thanks for all the experiences.
Wilfred
- He makes me laugh. Hahaha … Wilfredo is special in his own ways. You need to practice your Mandarin a “Ching Tong Fun” is not “Chee Cheong Fun”. Haha … Thanks for all the laughs.
Rod
- He is the hot rod of the church, stylish and very good with the guitar. He is my sifu. Thanks Rod for all the guitar lessons.
Myself
- Let bygones be bygones and start embracing and accepting what you have right now. Turning back is not losing a battle, it’s about learning to accept defeat and improvising it and turn it to your advantage. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
P/S: Thanks again to the people whose names were mentioned above, thanks for leaving not only a trail but a footprint so deep in my life. To all people who names are not here, I do apologize sincerely. It doesn’t mean I don’t take you guys into consideration you are equally treasured and thanks for being in my life… just that I am going to slumber mode anytime now. Good night people and have a blessed day ahead.
No two individuals think and behave alike, not even for identical twins. Men were created by God with different personalities and characteristics hence they are different primates. These words are so true as the sunrise or flies swarming over a cow poo poo.
Sometimes it is so difficult or almost impossible to understand / predict how other individuals thinks / rationalizes. I’m so amazed by how the human mind works, it’s a whole different study altogether – something totally out of my league. How can a small chunk of muscles entwined with ugly looking veins and whatever the brain consists of, be able to project or breath different personalities into us. Truly these are the works of the Almighty God. Praise you father.
The deeper you dig into it this field of study, the more Easter eggs you get. Few years earlier, I had the privilege to study sociology and philosophy during my fun-filled-alcohol-abusive-depressed-club hopping-drug-abusive years in Inti college (KL). I can still recall my semester assignment, which was to study different groups of people, taking notes of their behavior and how many cigarettes they chimney-ed while I am happily chatting with a very pretty-and-adorable girl who happens to be in my group. Gosh she smiles with dimples, really milky eyes and soft spoken, I should have stabbed myself when I lost her contact number … but then again I forgot her name. haha. I guess she was just another passerby in my life.
Oh well not to stray too far off, so I was tasked to pen down stupid reports to document their behaviors, it was not a report for the whole group but for separate individuals. Think of 5 groups each consisting 10 people and it has to be multiracial, gosh that was the most gruesome task ever appointed to me, sitting down doing nothing but penning down their outrageous behaviors. Remarkably at the end of the report each of them reported different attitudes and way of approaching things but one thing for sure, all guys will pin their eyes on girls with mini/micro skirts. What a bunch of perverts! Though I was one of them. Lol come on, don’t blame me, blame it on the raging hormones. Psst … it’s in the genes too.
Even now after being on earth for 20+ odd years I still have yet to fully understand how people thinks, I just find it so hard to capture or predict what people are thinking. At certain times, they can be warm and loving and at other times they can be as unreasonable as the mamak stall who charge me RM8.00 for a plate of nasi lemak. Imagine yourself being sucked into a whirlpool in the middle of a calm ocean on a clear blue breezy Sunday afternoon out in the sea.
Girls by far are the most unpredictable species in the world, they can be very nice to you in a minute and with a snap of the finger they can turn 360 degrees and point the finger in everything that you do. Ekk hmm … not all girls but most of them and hey I guess that’s what makes them so “adorable”… not.
To my brothers and sisters out there, be the cockpit of your emotions especially anger, don’t let anger envelope you and provoke you to say things that will hurt other people in return. That is how best friends become best enemies … I’ve been there and done that. For whatever reason you read this blog, please bear in mind that you hold the rights and power to reign over your emotions like how a pilot turbulent a plan or like a farmer over utilizing his cow or sheep to plow his lands.
So the options are up to you … WAKE up
What is right and what is wrong? How can one weigh between what is right and wrong?
Repeatedly we humans, failed to judge rationally, so many times we are clouded by what we feel and not have our eyes opened to see how the environment or external factors that may change our course of action. Let’s picture this, if the sky was shrouded with patches of dark clouds does that mean that sun is not shining. It is a matter of fact, that the thick dense clouds are stopping the rays of light to penetrate through, just like a barricade. Again, does that mean that the sun is not shining? Mind you I am referring to broad day light.
Promise. I don’t need a dictionary to tell me what it means; pledges we make to people that’s how I define it. If I make a promise to someone I will try my best to secure it, I am made of flesh and blood, streams of red vibrant liquid snakes through every vein in my body and my heart pulsates every single second. I am just a human like you, we make mistakes. We are not computer chips; we are not bind by silicon connectors or conductors or capacitors or hard coded in binary codes and see the world in 0s and 1s … true or not true.
I am not defending what should be right or wrong, if we call ourselves human beings who are rational and logical, we should have all the skills and judgment to decide what is right or wrong. I’m not sure if this is the right section for me to fit this in … there is a Chinese proverb that says something similar to this: The palm and the back of your hands are both made up of your own flesh. So which part would you choose? Same theory applies, in a given scenario there are always two sides of it, which side would you like to see it from?
My brothers and sisters, a promise should not be taken as a toy or just words you utter out for the sake of saying it. I am not a saint to tell you what you should and should not do. I leave you to judge for yourself …
And I am sorry for the things that I have done and not done ... I’m still changing
P/S: In most instances I like to contradict myself so use your own judgment.
Aaron Shust - Give Me Words To Speak
Calloused and bruised/ dazed and confused
My Spirit is left wanting something more
Than my selfish hopes/ and my selfish dreams
I’m lying with my face down to the floor
I’m crying out for more
Give me Words to speak
Don’t let my Spirit sleep
Cause I can’t think of anything worth saying
But I know that I owe You my life
So give me Words to speak
Don’t let my Spirit sleep
Every night, every day/ I find that I have nothing left to say
So I stand here in silence awaiting Your guidance
I’m wanting only Your voice to be heard
Let them be Your Words
I just don’t understand this life that I’ve been living
I just don’t understand (x2)
I just don’t understand these lies I’ve been believing
I just don’t understand (x2)
Been ages since I last posted ... so much had taken place I don't even know where to begin. It's a good change. A very good one I would say. I never had so much joy and happiness in my life but ever since I set foot into the temple of God, I can see a significant change in my life. Everything I hope for ... happiness, buddies, rest is all there for me to feast on. Thank you Lord for leading me into such a serene and tranquil place... and thank you for blessing me with such good friends though sometimes they can get a lil rough ... hehe. Felt like a re-born.
All praises to God.
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